Tag Archives: rex balsam

April’s Jackass of the Month: Schuyler Joplin

OLTL’s Schuyler Joplin has been plagued since he came to Llanview. First he got mixed up with the teen drama queen Starr and lost his job. He let Stacy pull him head first into the Morasco Fiasco. He let Kim string him along and let Gigi use him as a consolation prize. Now, we find out that Schuyler is Mitch’s son, and that he too can be an ass. Gigi dumped Sky on his ass and Sierra Rose isn’t his daughter. The boy has lost his damn mind and taken Gigi hostage by gun point, and for that, Schuyler is our Jackass of the Month.

OLTL: Farewell to Skank #1


While most folks would say that OLTL’s Stacy Morasco was a “cartoon character” who had no depth, but as a soap fan, I have to disagree. As someone who always roots for the underdog, I have to strongly disagree. I am one of the fans who gets tired of characters like Gigi, who seem to be happy all the time and always get what they want. Stacy wasn’t one of those characters. She worked her ass off for the things she wanted, good or bad, and in the end Stacy got nothing. In the last weeks, Stacy became even more enduring as her love for Sierra Rose became painfully apparent, skankdom be damned. For that, and for bringing a little lighthearted scandalocity to Llanview, Stacy will be missed. RIP Skank #1!

OLTL: Rex Tries to Off Schuyler and Stacy Gives Birth!


Looks like Stacy is going to be hanging out in Llanview a little bit longer than we expected. On Thursday, February 11, Stacy will welcome her “tiny dancer”, Sierra Rose, with the help of her sister Gigi. At the same time, Rex will try to take Schuyler’s life by strangling him. He will not be successful. Nevertheless, it will be hilarious to watch. The truth about the skank-baby will come out in the following weeks and all the guilty parties will be exposed. Does this mean we can expect a Rex and Gigi redo? My magic 8-ball points to YES.

OLTL: The Squeegi Kiss; Round 2!

1One Life to Live is a great soap, packed with action, drama, hot sex, and skanky strippers randomly popping in and out of town. What’s not to love, right? One of our favorite things about OLTL is that they give us great build ups and make us ponder what is going to happen next. Since Stacy’s skank ass arrival in Llanview, things have continued to go down hill for the super-couple that is Rex and Gigi. While Stacy is busy twisting Rex’s titties and otherwise making him unavailable to Gigi in ALL ways, Gigi has found another boy to play with, Schuyler. Schuyler’s been madly in love with Gigi for months now, becoming even obsessive about it sometimes. Schuyler surprised Gigi with a kiss once and he was met by rejection. Gigi once again stood by her idiot, I mean man. This week, Gigi will aggressively lunge at Schuyler and return the favor. We have seen the promo, and you can too, since we have it posted on the right side of this page. Let us know if the build up was worth the delivery. We love to hear from you! Do you want Gigi and Rex, or Gigi and Schuyler? Leave us a comment below and let us know! Thanks!

The Brow Meter

Jess and I occasionally watch soaps together via telephone while she as at work and I am sitting on my ass. Over the last few months, one of the things that have caught our attention is eyebrows. The eyebrows of some of the actors and actresses that grace our screens with their presence daily (or not). At this time, here are the top eyebrow offenders:

steffy1The problem with Thomas Forrester (B&B) is that as he ages, he becomes more handsome in regards to facial features and physique. However, his bushy caterpillar-like brows are quite the distraction. The boy needs to fork over the $7 to get those bad boys threaded.

It’s not under lock and key that we are not big Mackenzie Browning fans; both Jess and I are quite vocal mac2about how annoying we find her to be. It’s bad enough that we have to look at the “amazing weave that never moves” but those eyebrows could literally be hiding weapons of mass destruction. Hey, Mac was in Darfur.

rexRex Balsam (OLTL) has a beautiful chiseled body, this is fact. He is a funny guy who makes mistakes, and a lot of them. Rex tends to blame his faults on other people. This has us wondering who he blames his eyebrows on? Mom or Dad or both, Rex should pull a Matthew Buchanan and sue the hell out of them.

We know we are going to get slammed by GH fans, as they tend to be the most ruthless, but Dr. Patrickpatrick Drake also has eyebrows of fury. We must give props where props are due: They are gradually thinning out. However, we are surprised Patrick can do any kind of surgery with all that hair in his eyes.

If we missed somebody, please let us know. We tend to be forgetful!